I’ve allowed myself to become very emotionally involved in a lot of current events* & there is some guilt when I admit it has really dragged me. Nobody asked me to care & my ability to help has been greatly hindered by both my superpower of emotional overload & living in relative obscurity in the middle of nowhere. So to sum it up, I feel bad & tired & also feel bad about feeling bad & tired.
That said, this is not a huge problem because now is not the time for my shit & there is zero problem with staying quiet.
One is absolute ass but working within the prompt given by NaPoWriMo. The other does not follow the prompt at all & came to me on a whim before I even checked the site. But I’m counting it because I’m desperate & also quite comfortable believing that it’s not something I can edit into a sub.
Because I have two poems, I will also share two selections. Let’s go.
I’m officially a week behind in posting & I’m switching over to 100% NaPoWriMo posts to staunch the bleed.
Thing is, there is a lot to do now. All the busyness of spring has been met with needing to somehow find a way to adapt a myriad of different little routines to account for staying home & keeping it in order.
Additionally, I have days where all I do is paint or practice an instrument.
I’m trying to come to my desk daily to deal with poetry as I also have active subs that need to be kept up. I have four poems forthcoming (Crepe & Penn, Mineral Lit, & Little Death) on top of the first draft prompt-based stuff I’m posting here. & I’m also managing a seeking publication pile at least 20-deep that requires undue fiddling & sending out to mags.
That doesn’t mean I’m ready to give up on the 30 poems challenge. I’ve fallen behind & am obviously not following the rules to a T, but I’m going to keep rolling.
I’m going to stick with my original plan and call my day where I am in the prompts/goals & spill over into May.
I’m still adjusting to this new schedule — having just adjusted to the old-new schedule. I have no outside help (by this I mostly mean food service which it turns out I was more dependent upon than I realized) & grocery service is patchy here, a problem exacerbated by people panic buying gluten-free items when the bread runs out & the stores not in a huge hurry to restock the specialty items.
Also, this all happened in spring & I rent a double-wide on its own lot. So, landscaping is my responsibility. Which is usually fine & enjoyable, but it’s one more thing on top of a thousand others while struggling with the basics.
Also, it’s full moon today so I have certain things I do by the moon cycle that are also eating at my time.
Anyway, I hope all is well wherever you are & I’ll go ahead & get rolling on this.
Though I’m trying to stay positive, today has been a tough one.
I’m pretty open about my feelings when it comes to the arts. I would talk anyone into trying anything, even if just for the discovery to be found in the process.
But I struggle pretty hard against my own feelings of inadequacy. I know my efforts are artless at best & this constant trudging onward can feel like self-flagellation regardless my deeply-held beliefs that apply to literally everyone but me.
It’s shitty, it’s hypocritical, but I can’t help what I feel.
Between the emo & dealing with an ongoing chronic illness flare, it’s been a whole day.
Anyway, I’m going to try to push through, so let’s go…
I’m not feeling particularly creative lately & plugging away at these projects has already become a bit of a chore because — holy fuck the world is burning I just want to lay in bed and scream most of the time.
But I’m getting through it & just finishing the Twine project alone would be a huge win. I’ve been trolling my friends with pieces of that story for months, but didn’t realize what a huge undertaking it was. I’m guessing I will have close to 100 individual sections by the time I’m through.
Hey, I’m still rolling with this writing challenge shit. Not giving up just yet!
Today our governor, Jay Inslee, extended the “Stay home, stay healthy” restrictions (a fluffy, upbeat shelter in place order) through May 4. So, it seems I’ve little better to do for the rest of the month.
While Seattle is slowing down, it seems like eastern Washington is gearing up. And while it pains me to say it — I expect it will be a lot worse here because the few times I have gone out to pick up groceries I was really annoyed at what I saw. People are out everywhere acting as if nothing is wrong — heavy traffic, crowded sidewalks, huge groups of people clustered together without even homemade masks…
Hopefully, I’m just being a joyless asshole, but I have a nagging feeling I’m not and there will be real hell to pay for this.
Anyway, onward to the art that shall distract me from the misery of it all…
I plan to write daily posts — *slaps roof of blog* this baby can fit so much weird laugh-crying, is this art? But is it, motherfucker?
Luckily, I can’t tag art decider in here, but I can make myself post every day even if all I offer is a whiny admission that brain no worky & a short ramble about a piece of work I like much more than my own.
My plan is to have structured posts sharing a favorite piece of poetry & a quick paragraph or two about how the piece affected me personally; my own daily efforts for the NaPoWriMo program; and if applicable, a quick ramble about other shit I did to pad my camp count.
So without further bullshit, let’s roll into today’s selections…