Though I’m trying to stay positive, today has been a tough one.
I’m pretty open about my feelings when it comes to the arts. I would talk anyone into trying anything, even if just for the discovery to be found in the process.
But I struggle pretty hard against my own feelings of inadequacy. I know my efforts are artless at best & this constant trudging onward can feel like self-flagellation regardless my deeply-held beliefs that apply to literally everyone but me.
It’s shitty, it’s hypocritical, but I can’t help what I feel.
Between the emo & dealing with an ongoing chronic illness flare, it’s been a whole day.
Anyway, I’m going to try to push through, so let’s go…
Day four read
I’m going to do something a little different today & talk about the lyrics to a song.
Check out “Second Skin” by the Gits, the lyrics are great & so is the music.
I tell myself, just let it breathe“Second Skin” The Gits
It’s a calmness I’m always searching for
But the dirt it gets so heavy
It falls above my head
Seeping from under my feet
It just keeps on getting deeper
The near-universal echo of self-doubt becomes something greater, meaner in this song.
I’ve always felt there was something brilliant and freeing in the idea that it doesn’t all have to be on you. That it’s not a personality flaw to be sensitive, that sensitive is needed in the case of existing as a human. However, it’s possible to construct something of pure will to hold you together when you can’t. It’s not you, but something faultless that you created.
That is my ultimate self-care goal.
Day four poetry
I’m not going to lie. I got an idea for a poem when I was meditating and didn’t even open the website for the prompt today.
Also I didn’t finish the art shit I was working on so here’s an incomplete thing — at least I did something.
Send my love down into the earth,
to tremble like colliding continents
& burn with the heat of eons gone;
Echo my words through the rocks
that are her bones & the bones slick
with decay, hollow & reverberating;
Play my song like a silver needle
for a world that sings with a tilt
unable to stop nor pull itself apart;
Bury this unrequited want & let it
echo through my bones like an illness,
dark & dirty until the center gives.
Day four camp progress
At the end of day four my word count was 8,355.